great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
