i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
