ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
