I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
