Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
