I think my vagina is haunted
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
