Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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