now i know why i became what i already was.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
