Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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