Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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