she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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