Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
