people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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