Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
