And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
