Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
