just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you had me at cake vodka
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
