I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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