Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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