Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
