be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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