So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize