Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
