She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
3pm strippers are depressing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
