I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
