We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
