last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
