everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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