Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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