i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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