lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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