My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize