I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
