question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
