fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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