It's Friday. Sex?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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