The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
