I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
