He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
