I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
