okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
All I want is dick and wine.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
