So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
