Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
