Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
