Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We had to coat check the pizza.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize