walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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