Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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