You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize