Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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