I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
