a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
