Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
