I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
