We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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