My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
