we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
