i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
