True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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