i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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