the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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