Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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