Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
