pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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