So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
