You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
