I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
