i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
