what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
