she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
