He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
