Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
