tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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