Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
