everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
