some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
