I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My vagina is very pro this idea
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
