that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize