Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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