When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
