It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
